I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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