you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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