when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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