Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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