we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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