Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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