consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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