rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
