Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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