and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
