Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
