I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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