Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i've created a new STD.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
