I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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