I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
this will be a night to untag.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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