I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
