508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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