I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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