just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize