I faked an abortion last night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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