please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
