Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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