One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
