I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
