I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
