This is not my ceiling
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
