Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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