apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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