Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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