Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
