you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
