but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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