When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
