Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
