my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
