the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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