Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
