I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
