Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
