I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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