dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the condom got lost in my hair
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
try to milk me bitch
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
