cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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