you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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