It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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