Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
