its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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