I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
