explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
