Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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