to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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