I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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