Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
