you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize