my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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