Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
