He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
