Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
