I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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