Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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