i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
