you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
